This podcast for On the Brink with Andi Simon is about how Sue Willoughby helps women over 40 transform their lives using her approach, Equus Coaching.Sue Willoughby is on a mission to help women over 40 tackle their challenges and build better lives. Through her business, Willoughby Coaching, she uses a unique method called Equus Coaching, where clients work with horses to learn more about themselves. These sessions focus on non-verbal communication, leadership, and personal growth, helping women make big changes in their lives. It is all about transforming lives with Equus Coaching.

Sue Willoughby’s Journey to Equus Coaching has not been Easy

Sue’s journey hasn’t been easy. She grew up with a single parent who struggled with alcoholism. This taught her to be strong and face tough situations, even when she didn’t feel confident. Coming out as gay at 17 was another challenge, and by 19, she faced such deep struggles that she attempted suicide. For a while, her life felt like it was spinning out of control.

Things turned around in the 1990s when Sue met her partner. They moved across the country, and Sue started to rebuild her life. She went back to school, found a new career, bought a home, and became a real estate investor. During this time, she reconnected with her love for horses, which had always been a source of comfort during tough times.

Her Goal is to Guide Other Women

Today, Sue uses what she’s learned to guide others. Through Equus Coaching, she helps women understand themselves better and overcome what’s holding them back. Horses, she says, are amazing teachers because they respond to how we act and feel, even when we don’t say a word.

Sue also practices what she teaches. She’s done all kinds of exciting things, like being a DJ, stand-up comedian, actor, pilot, and Roller Derby referee. These experiences help her connect with her clients, showing them how stepping out of their comfort zones can lead to amazing growth.

Now living near Seattle, Sue shares her life with a horse named Moose, two Dachshunds named Benny and Buddy, and a VW Bus she calls Arlo. Her story is proof that it’s never too late to make a change and live the life you want.

If you prefer to watch our podcast, click here:

To learn more about Sue Willoughby, check out her LinkedIn Profile and Website:

Willoughby Coaching is at https://www.willoughbycoaching.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/suewilloughby/

Other Podcasts you will enjoy include:

411: TaRita Johnson Tackling the Challenges of DEI and Belonging

406: The Greatest Journey of a Woman Entrepreneur in Mental Health: Dr. Barbara Brown’s Story

414: Ilene Rosenthal: Inspiring a Revolution in Children’s Education

Additional resources for you

Reach out and contact us if you want to become a woman entrepreneur with a business that has both great profits and significance.  Let’s Talk!

From Observation to Innovation,

CEO | Corporate Anthropologist | Author
Simonassociates.net
Info@simonassociates.net
@simonandi
LinkedIn

Read the text for our podcast here:

Andi Simon: 00:00:02 Hi. Welcome to On the Brink with Andi Simon. I’m Andi Simon, your host and your guide to all of you who come to listen or to watch us. I thank you so much. You’ve taken us into the top 5% of podcasts globally, and we have an audience that comes from around the globe, and it’s really an honor and a privilege to bring to your wonderful people to interview so that you can see, feel and think in new ways. Remember, as an anthropologist, my job is to help you understand the changes that are going on and how you can find ways to adapt, be agile. not fight. When you change your brain, it doesn’t like me. It really would rather go away. You can delete me when we’re done, but my hunch is that because you keep coming back, there’s something magical here about doing something I believe helps you see, feel, and think in new ways. Remember, we decide with the eyes and a heart. Sometimes we’re good, but the head comes in last.  And so, you need to begin to listen to the stories of the people being interviewed. And my job is to open up our conversation so that you can begin to change. And that’s my job. On the Brink is to get you off the brink. And today I have Sue Willoughby here with us from outside of Seattle, Washington. And remember, we’re quite global and I love bringing in people from across the US. Everybody comes with a new perspective. The title of our talk today is going to be A Life Worth Being. And so Sue is a marvelous woman who loves horses and brings her into the coaching world so that she helps people begin to understand themselves better. Remember, we’re horse folks. My husband and I fox hunted for 25 years. My daughters were competitive riders. My grandkids are as well. And so horses have a special meaning for us. Not just for riding, but for being. And so I’m going to give you a brief introduction. Thank you, Sue, for joining me. And now let me tell you about why you should listen.

Sue Willoughby is a founder of Willoughby Coaching, where women over 40 confront their obstacles and change the trajectory of their lives through the power of coaching. I have some guys who come quite routinely to our podcast. You’re going to find it interesting too. If nothing else, then the women in your lives who are over 40 need you to help them see, feel and think some new ways. But this is really a wonderful conversation for us today. Echoes Coaching emphasizes the profound impact of nonverbal communication and self-awareness as clients engage with horses, gaining insights into their leadership, communication style, and personal growth. Sue took great comfort in working with horses during some of the darkest periods of her career, but she also regularly practices what he preaches by getting out of her comfort zone. Sue has been a nightclub DJ, stand-up comic and actor, a private pilot and a roller derby referee. And I do think she has lots of interesting things to share with us, and I love the fact she has a horse named Moose. Okay, too many long-haired dachshunds, Benny and Buddy, a VW bus called Arlo. And this is a wonderful conversation for us to have for today. And so, Sue, thank you for joining me. I’m so glad you’re here.

Sue Willoughby: 00:03:23 Thank you so much for that wonderful introduction. I really appreciate it, and I’m very happy to be here today.

Andi Simon: 00:03:28 We were talking a whole lot about your own journey, and I’d like you to share it with our audience, because I do think it sets the stage for how you’ve gotten into coaching, counseling and also applying horses and the things that we both love about them to helping people change. So, you know who, Sue? What’s your journey?

Sue Willoughby: 00:03:48 Oh my goodness, how long is this podcast exactly? My journey has never been a straight line. I know some of my friends knew what they wanted to do. You know, they went to high school, college, boom, boom, boom. I was all over the place, I think probably because the way I grew up with an alcoholic parent, made me be a little bit more agile and not really knowing what I was going to walk into, on a daily basis, or come home to or have to deal with. So that was always a little challenging. And by never knowing what to expect, I didn’t really have a typical comfort zone growing up. I also never really knew where I belonged.  I didn’t feel like I had a lot of adult supervision, as I’ve mentioned. I was not lacking for a place to live. My mom loved me very much. but she was dealing with her own stuff. And as a result, I had to figure things out for myself, and it was a lot of trial and error. It was a lot of curiosity. Sometimes curiosity got me into trouble, but it’s okay. You know, you learn the hard way. And I just, I, I think I also had a very restless spirit as a kid, and I still do in a more positive manner now. I’m always curious. I quit high school twice. I was not an academic at all. I just always thought, well, there’s something else I could be doing. There’s something better I could be doing.  I’ll skip class and go to the bar, and I’ll skip class and hang out in the art studio. I will skip class and just not do anything creative or productive. So, I bounced around a lot, and it wasn’t until probably in my mid 30s, early 30s, I had an opportunity to move cross-country, leave Connecticut, leave my New England upbringing, leave that kind of chaos behind and really start anew. I learned I had a new appreciation for learning. I went back to school. I had gotten my GED. I wasn’t a total dropout. and I went to community college and studied tech and started a whole new career. And just, I follow my instincts. I followed my curiosity. And it’s kind of the way I live my life.

Andi Simon: 00:06:37 Well, it sounds, though, and you’re humble and quite transparent. you define yourself as a woman who has figured it out. Not in a straight line, of course, but many women haven’t at all. But now you’re at an interesting and important point in your life, and that you’ve turned from, I don’t know who I am and where I’m going into. I know where I am and who I am, and I have a gift to give to others. Am I right?

Sue Willoughby: 00:07:04 Yes, yes, that’s exactly right.

Andi Simon: 00:07:07 That your gift is a really beautiful one. Tell us, how did you go from there to now I’m settling down a little bit. And, man, I can do something with this. A little bit about that part of the journey.

Sue Willoughby: 00:07:20 Yeah. Great question. Andi. I sort of started being curious a little bit more about energy work. I had some people come into my life who were talking about energy work and more spirituality. I’ve never been a very religious person. Well, not at all, but just more of the universal spirit, spirituality and, Reiki and just the universal energy and the universal vibration of things. And the more I learned about that, the more it resonated with me.

 And, you know, little by little, I just started peeling back all of my own personal layers and doing more exploration and doing more learning and therapy and whatever else came along. and just being more present, more mindful, more aware of how I was being in the world and how I didn’t like the way I was necessarily being in the world. So I started to also then shed things that were no longer serving me, and it was really helpful. And I wake up with a very calm sense of self these days and positive energy. And I mean, you know, not every day is a gem, right? But it’s still, I have a very different outlook on life, and I kind of joke that I’m the kinder, gentler version of myself rather than crashing through the world like a bull in a China closet.

Andi Simon: 00:09:00 Well, whatever you have discovered, though, it is important for your own. Every day is a gift. I truly believe you wake up in the morning. Every day is a gift. What can we do to be kind to somebody else or to help their day be better? It’s not about me. It’s about we. And I do love that you’re expressing that as well. You’ve gotten into this coaching business, though. Is it by chance or, such a moment when you realized it was helping you, it could help others, you know, set the context a little bit and then tell us what you do with those horses.

Sue Willoughby: 00:09:36 Great, great. Yes. I think, you know, as if I were to look back at the trajectory of my life and all of the things that I’ve tried, whether it be roller derby refereeing or driving in a demolition derby or flying a plane or whatever crazy thing. I was like, oh, that looks like fun. It’s funny that everything is sort of interrelated. Like when I was, gosh, I don’t know, 15 maybe, or something like that. I found an ad in a magazine because that was pre-internet way, pre-internet, about learning to be a broadcaster.  I was like, okay, you know, so I begged my mother to take me to broadcasting school, but I loved it. I mean, you know, and here I am. Look, I’m doing a podcast, right? I’m on a podcast. I have my own podcast. So it’s weird. It’s like all of these little breadcrumbs that I’ve picked up along the way have sort of added up to, you know, all of that. So the coaching piece, I was in retail for a number of years. I worked in special ed, I worked in retail. and then when I went into tech, I was always sort of in a leadership role. I think it’s just my personality and my presence and the fact that I’m not afraid to take on stuff and manage up, so to speak. But I was always in some sort of a leadership role or management or, you know, whatever. I was also in corporate training and education. So that piece always had a bit of a coaching component. Whether you’re bringing people up that are on your team or in your group. and so that part of me, I think has always been there. I love sharing knowledge with people now. I’m a lifelong learner for someone who didn’t love school before. I’m a lifelong learner and I just can’t get enough. And so I think that all of those pieces sort of set me up to be a coach and a mentor. and then horses also there. You don’t even realize that they’re helping you. They just are there. And when you start to realize that, oh, they’re helping me build my awareness, they’re helping me be more mindful. They’re helping me be more patient, I get it. How can I bring them into the mix? And I found the Coyle Institute for Equus coaching. And I was like, yeah, I’m home. This is it. I love this so much. So I just, I really feel like, as you mentioned previously, I do have a gift. I’m very grateful for my path that I ended up where I am today and continue to be grateful for everything that I have and that I’m able to share with others.

Andi Simon: 00:12:35 If a woman 40, 45, whatever, who’s, you know, time to rethink one’s own life and where we are. Sounds like it’s the kind of problem. And they found you. What would they actually go through in the work that you do with them? How is it a little bit different than I’m a John Morton executive coach? There are life coaches, and there are all kinds of coaches today. What is it you would bring to that woman so that they could become more comfortable? Begin to shed some things, you know, give us some illustration.

Sue Willoughby: 00:13:11 Okay, great. Yes, I’m happy to do that. I think of myself and my journey, and not always knowing what the right thing is, but knowing that there’s something else out there. And I think, you know, a lot of my clients will come with whatever it is, whatever challenge, whether it’s they want to get to a different place in their career or in their life or in their relationship or whatever. So it can be a little bit of everything, yet they’re afraid to take that first step. And what I help them do is realize, hey, you are here. Now let’s look at how you got here, and let’s celebrate and give yourself some grace and some credit for all of the amazing things that you’ve done up to this point. I consider myself a second half coach or a second phase coach or whatever when the team comes off the field and they’re losing and it’s the big game and they’re all just hanging their heads and they’re like, I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. How are we going to win this? And the coach, there may be a little tough talk or some whatever. but it’s like, you know what? You have these skills already in you. I mean, and that’s the job of a coach. It’s like, I’m not going to tell you what to do. I’m going to help you realize what your value is. What it is that you know, makes you tick, and what all of these amazing skills you already have. They’re already there. You just need to be able to find them, access them, and not be afraid to use them to move forward. And also, the other thing is that, you know, I think people get stuck because maybe what they want to do seems so huge and so unattainable that they just like, that’s too much. I’m just going to just give up. We like to teach turtle steps a little. The tortoise takes a step, and then he stops, and then he takes another step, and then he stops. It’s the same thing. It’s building that awareness, which is where the horses come in, brilliantly. I might add, they are prey animals and everything. Every cell in their body is alive and helping them assess what is going on around them, where they are.   What is present in their world? Is it going to harm them? Are they in danger? And what can they do to protect themselves or, you know, the fight or flight kind of thing, or freeze, and help people just understand and build that awareness first and foremost. They can then get back into their bodies when something starts to come up, whether it’s fear or anxiety or whatever it is. I always ask them, “Where do you feel that? What are you experiencing right now in a somatic way? In your body? And, you know, a lot of times a word or an emotion or something will come out of their mouth and I’m like, no, let’s just take a minute, take a deep breath, feel the earth underneath you, view. And now tell me, what are you physically feeling? Because you can see things well up. Like if somebody’s coming to tears or they’re getting angry or whatever. And horses are also really brilliant at calling people out because if they feel like something is incongruent, that appears as a threat to them, so they will keep their distance, or they’ll just be a little bit more observant. And I think if people can learn some more horse-like skills in their lives, then they can take that half a second before they react, and the reaction may be different.

Andi Simon: 00:17:17 So interesting. I’m sure you’ve had lots of lots of people who have come through the program and, I don’t want to intrude on their privacy, but is there one that you might be able to illustrate what you do with? Or if not, that’s fine. But I do think that the concrete often helps the abstract become more alive. Anything you can share?

Sue Willoughby: 00:17:44 Well, it’s funny, because first of all, when someone is working directly with the horse, they are in a small enclosed either round or square-ish arena or pen. And the horses at Liberty, there is no riding. This does not involve riding. So I’m observing what the horse is doing, and I’m observing what the person is doing. I will ask them for an intention. So, for example, I had a client that was curious about, I don’t feel like I have any joy in my life anymore. How can I find joy? Well, that’s kind of a good one, right? Yeah. We all want more joy in our life and its sort of like, what does that look like? And what does that feel like to you? So, you know, we started out by asking do you feel comfortable letting the horses roam around? Well, no. Not exactly. Okay. Would you feel better leading the horse? Okay, great. So put the halter, the lead rope on and very stiffly marching around with the horse. And I’m observing this and the horses playing along. Right. Just.

Andi Simon: 00:19:02 But you’re so funny.  It’s just what I was thinking. He’s enduring it.  It’s like whether he has joy or not, I don’t know, but he’s being a good guy.

Sue Willoughby: 00:19:12 Yeah. I thought we were going to have some fun here. So I’m watching this and so it gives me the opportunity to ask really good open-ended questions. And I said, so how are you feeling right now?  Is this joyful to you? Well, no. Okay. What would it look like to have this experience be joyful, you told me that you were curious and having more joy with your life. And sometimes people just have a hard time letting go of their purpose, of being judged, looking foolish or doing something else. So we took the leader roping the halter off again, and I said, okay, let’s practice being playful. I’m not judging you. I’m not here to judge you.

 The horse is certainly not going to judge you, because guess what, if the horse wants to lay down and roll around in the dirt, they’re going to do that. And they don’t care if you’re judging them or not, and they’re not going to judge your back. So by the end of the session, you know, the person was running around and jumping in the air and just doing acting really silly. how did that feel? They were like, joy. I feel so light. What is this? How does this feel to you? Is this something that you can take out of the arena and feel okay about?

Andi Simon: 00:20:42 Interesting, isn’t it? Because I didn’t do anything. All I did was give you a context or a setting or a stage for you to probe what the woman or the man’s anxiety was about and give them something completely new to engage with and in the process, discover joy in a very simple fashion. And the horse just looked around and said, give me a sweet, and I’m happy, and I need a cookie. but it’s very interesting. The fact that they’re not on the horse is different than if they were on the horse, and it was some kind of rehab training that you’re not teaching them to ride. You’re teaching them to appreciate this animal who’s going to teach them to appreciate themselves. And that’s what comes out of this. This is such interesting fun. Now you own Moose. Do you have other horses you use for this, or is it only one at a time?

Sue Willoughby: 00:21:41 I do, so I actually have a group retreat coming up in Paso Robles, California with one of my fabulous coaching partners, Frida Carlsberg, who works out of the LA area, and we go to a private ranch for three days. And it’s a very intimate setting, no more than 12 people. And we have all of their horses that we work with, and we rotate through, during the course of the three days.  And we do a lot of different activities and stuff. And up here I work Moose is a one-on-one kind of guy. He actually loves coaching way more than riding. He’s like, what are we doing today? And I bring the saddle, and he goes to the other side of the arena and I’m like, yeah, yeah.

Andi Simon: 00:22:25 I want to do that. You want me to work? I don’t want to work.

Sue Willoughby: 00:22:28 I like that play. Work that we do, that joyful stuff. I mean, you know, it’s not always joyful. so, you know, people, it’s really interesting. so. And I also have a rescue that I work with, and all of their horses for doing group activities. People can work with them one on one. So I have a bunch of different creatures that I interact with.

Andi Simon: 00:22:55 This is just wonderful. I know you have a podcast, and I know you’re working on a book a little bit. Is there something in your future that you can share about how you’re going to build this, or take it, or where you see the gap that’s going to be needed? There’ll always be 40 somethings who are looking at midlife crises and not quite sure how to get past, this is the way I’ve always done it. This is who I am. What else could I be? Are there any sort of profound questions? What do you see coming for you and for the work that you’re doing?

Sue Willoughby: 00:23:25 Thank you. Yeah. That’s a really great question. I want to just keep expanding. I know that the one-on-one coaching is not scalable in that I can reach everyone and everyone that needs to be there. So I see if I can look into my crystal ball, having more retreat type activities, so that people can actually have that more immersive, experiential, retreat, you know, at adventure. and also my coaching online to build that up because like I said, I bring all of my years of horse knowledge and intuition into my everyday interactions, and I don’t need a horse to convey my messages. So building that, as you mentioned, writing a book touching people’s life through my podcast. speaking events. just even interacting one on one with people that I come in contact with and talking to people. The server at the restaurant, I was in Houston for a coaching event, and I just had this beautiful conversation with the middle-aged guy who was serving me my lunch. It’s funny, when I start a conversation with someone, I end up usually getting their life story. And I just love that they feel comfortable and supported and in a way that isn’t seen, I guess they’re willing to engage on that level. And I think we need so much more of that, especially after the pandemic.

Andi Simon: 00:25:16 Well, you know, and in some ways, that’s a beautiful story for you for the next stage, because now you’ve come over that hurdle of who am I, where am I? And how do I now, take the gift you have to give to more and more people? And for many entrepreneurs or small business owners, scale is the challenge because they buy you.  And it’s hard to figure out how to get more of you in more fashion. But I think your ideas are really very, very helpful. It is an interesting time, for both you and your clients because it’s hard to know what comes next. And yet to some degree, our lives have sort of been built a little by chance and a little by design, but, you know, mostly in a very serendipitous way. And I can’t figure out what comes next for me. And I’ve been in business 22 years, and I’m delighted that I have clients, and they’ve stuck around for six and five years. And, it’s cool stuff, but we also grow and I’m happier growing than I am just being. And I have a hunch you’re going to do the same.

Andi Simon: 00:26:38 But think of all the life learning you’ve had and the way in which it’s created who you are, Susan Willoughby. I think this is a beautiful time. A couple of things you want the listeners not to forget, because we’re about ready to wrap up one or 2 or 3 things that are important for them to hear from you as we say goodbye.

Sue Willoughby: 00:26:57 I would say, first of all, if you are not being curious on a daily basis about something, about your life, about whatever, never stop being curious. I think, you know, as when we’re kids, we’re just like, oh my God, what is that? What is that? What is that? So feed that curiosity. And that will also help to guide you to where you might want to be, and you don’t have to. Whatever it is that you’re doing, you don’t have to do it forever. If you try something new, just try it, give it a shot, and if it doesn’t fit, then try something else.  But never stop being curious.

Andi Simon: 00:27:35 I do think that’s a very important thing. Just because you’re there doesn’t mean that’s who you are and you could be doing things that are fine and you can keep doing them, but life is a short trip. What are we doing that we could add in value differently and open up new ideas for ourselves and be bold and humble at the same time. Curiosity is a great word. I have a friend who’s writing a book about it because for her and it sounds like for you, what I don’t know is really more interesting than all the things I do know, which are very interesting. But there’s stuff I want to add on and how will I know? So this is cool. If they would like to reach you, where shall they find you? LinkedIn or someplace else?

Sue Willoughby: 00:28:17   I’ll post my podcast. I have a pretty decent following on Instagram. You can also go to my website. So Instagram is @Sue_willoughbycoaching, suewilloughby.com is my website and I am on LinkedIn I think Sue Willoughby.

Andi Simon: 00:28:36 For all of you who come to watch or listen, thank you again. Send me your emails with people you would like me to interview at info@SimonAssociates.net. My three books are all available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and your local bookseller. Women Mean Business is the most current book out a year now, and it’s been selling like crazy. We’ve been doing 50 events, and we are just happy watching women realize what they can be and Rethink Smashing the Myths of Women in Business, my second book was about women like Sue who smashed the myths of what we could do and became all kinds of things. From a pilot to a roller derby, I mean, it doesn’t matter. Be curious and figure out what you can become. And don’t listen when people say, no. And my first book is one of my favorites. On the Brink: A Fresh Lens to Take You and Your Business to New Heights.  And this podcast emerged from the work we did on that book, which are clients of ours who got stuck or stalled and needed a little anthropology to see things through a fresh lens. And out came growth in all kinds of cool stuff. This has been such fun. Sue, thank you for joining me today.  And for all of you, my mantra is observations to innovations. Be an anthropologist. Go take a look.  Watch what Sue does and then figure out what is the message here? And how can I expand my own experiences doing things that I never thought could be and have fun? And I do think having fun is really important. Go dance around that pony. Goodbye. Thank you so much. Bye.